Discern Your Actors!
by Corn- The OTHER White Meat
Summary: Parody based off of 'All That's 'Know Your Stars' sketch. What do you get when you cross the Beybladers with an evil narrator that twists their words? CHARACTER TORTURE! Rejoicing 199 reviews with the much anticipated KAI SEQUEL!
1. Brooklyn Kingston!

Kit: I was in a bit of writer's block, so I thought you people might like a little parody fic to tide you over (see bio for full details). I got the idea for this parody from TALA MINE-TALA HOT, who has a DNAngel one posted. It is in fact based off the sketch "Know Your Stars" from the Nickelodeon show "All That". I hope you like the products of my sheer boredom. If anyone else has a story like this, let me know. I'll want to read it!

* * *

(I do not own Beyblade, "All That", or any products that might be mentioned in any chapter at any time.)

Discern Your Actors!

_a.k.a._

Know Your Stars! 

Chapter 1

**Brooklyn Kingston**

(Brooklyn is sitting on a chair in a studio)

"_Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" _The narrator says in a round.

"_Brooklyn Kingston…His favorite band is N'SYNC…"_

"Pardon?" Brooklyn asks, "No, there must be some mistake. I enjoy classical music; Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, ect. I don't listen to N'SYNC or any boy band for that matter."

"_Brooklyn Kingston…Listens to any boy band…"_

"I just told you; I do not like to listen to boy bands! Besides, you can't be a band unless you play an instrument! Really now!"

"_Manhattan Kingston…"_

"My name is Brooklyn! Not Manhattan!"

"_Calm down New York…"_

"BROOKLYN!"

"_Bronx Jamaica…"_

"BROOKLYN KINGSTON!"

"…_He thinks he's a pigeon…"_

"WHAT?'! I CERTANLY DO NOT!

"_Ooh. Did I ruffle your feathers Pigeon-Boy?"_

"I DO NOT THINK I AM A PIGEON!"

"_Cluck! Cluck, cluck, cluck! Cluck!"_ The narrator mocks.

"That was a chicken impression!" He is ignored.

"_Queens Negril…He has anger issues…"_

"I WOULDN'T HAVE ANGER ISSUES IF YOU DIDN'T TWIST MY WORDS AGAINST ME! AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET THE RIGHT CITY THAT TIME!"

"_Ha! You admit it!"_

"I did not!"

"_Did too."_

"Did not!"

"_Did too."_

"Did not!"

"_Did too."_

"Did not!"

"_Did too."_

"Did not!"

"_Did not."_

"DID TOO!" Brooklyn screams at the top of his lungs. He looks suddenly horrified after realizing what he has just said.

"_I win."_

"I swear, when I find out where you are-"

"_You'll what? Punch me? You going to make me bleed Pigeon-Boy?"_

"Oh, I'll do MORE than just make you bleed! And stop calling me that!"

"_Now you know, Staten Island…"_

"They learned NOTHING! And my name is Brooklyn! Brooklyn! BROOKLYN KINGSTON! Where are you? Who are you? GET BACK HERE!"

* * *

Kit: This was one of the few times you'll ever see me torture Brooklyn. But it had to be done.

Brooklyn: You are an EVIL woman…

Kit: So what else is new? Next time, Max Tate!

Brooklyn: Will I ever get my revenge?

Kit: Maybe yes, maybe-(looks at TV; Weather Channel is on.) OH SHIT!

All: What?'!

Kit: Dennis is going to be here in just a little while!

Ray: Who?

Emmi: THE GODDAMN CATEGORY 4 HURRICANE!

Kai: Oh my god, the Authoress separated from the OC!

Ray: AND SHE'S CURSING!

Emmi: HELL YEAH! I'M ABOUT TO GET HIT BY A DAMN HURRICANE! WHAT DID YOU EXPECT!

Kit: While the Authoress screams profanities at the boys, I'll finish up here. Read and review the boredness please. No flames.

Emmi: COVER!

Max: Kit, she's hyperventilating again!

Kit: AGAIN?'! (sigh) Hold on, I'm coming. Good-bye!

**Are and Are**


	2. Ming Ming!

Kit: Whoa. People actually reviewed. I'm amazed. I'm also amazed I got a _request_ to do a character in particular. I'll go ahead and respond.

To Jake: Yep, Dennis the Menace. That about covers it all. We didn't really get much rain to speak of. Just wind. A lot of wind.

To BVP: Actually, for some strange reason, sketch is the technical term used. Skit sounds better, but I'm going with the real name.

To Death Angel's Shadow: Yeah, we're fine. It basically just fell apart when it landed. It's still a little windy…

To SweetKatie97: SLOW DOWN! I can only type so fast…

To mew shauzia: THANK YOU! I felt so bad for torturing poor Brooklyn, I was thinking about making myself feel better by torturing a character I don't like. Thank you for asking me to do a Ming-Ming one so I can heal. Melissa hates Ming-Ming…

Melissa: GRR….MING-MING DIE! (shreds picture of Ming-Ming with teeth)

Kit: This said, I'm going to skip Max for a little while and do a little Ming-Ming torture instead. Sorry if any of my readers actually like Ming squared, but I don't. You are, however, welcome to send in requests and suggestions for particular characters you may want me to do. Let's roll.

(See previous)

* * *

Discern Your Actors!

_a.k.a._

Know Your Stars!

Chapter 2

**Ming-Ming**

(Ming-Ming is sitting on a chair, waiting for the interview to start)

"_Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" _The narrator says in a round.

"_Ming-Ming…"_

(Ming squared flashes a victory sign at her name)

"…_Is horribly allergic to salt…"_

"Excuse me? I'm not allergic to salt! I'm really not allergic to anything. You must be mistaken." Ming-Ming says, putting on her I'm-such-a-cute-little-pop-star-(shoot-me-now-) voice.

"_Ming-Ming…That isn't her **real** nose…"_

"Take that back!" she squeals. "I have never had **any** type of plastic surgery in my life! How dare you say that!"

"_Ming-Ming…Has never had **any** type of plastic surgery in her life…"_

"Now that's better!" She says, contently sitting back in her chair.

"…_And looks like it too…"_

"WHAT! NO ONE INSULTS ME LIKE THAT!" Ming squared screeches.

"_No one insults me like that!"_ the narrator repeats, in a mocking tone…

"Stop that!"

"_Stop that!"_

"I mean it!"

"_I mean it!"_

"QUIT REPEATING EVERYTHING I SAY!"

"_Quit repeating everything I say!"_

"WHY YOU! WHEN I FIND YOU, I'M GONNA-" She begins, but is cut off before her threat can be finished.

"_Ming-Ming…Doesn't really sing live at those **live** concerts…"_

"Are you accusing me of lip-singing?'!"

"_Ming-Ming…Accuses herself of lip-singing…"_

"**YOU** ACCUSED ME OF LIP-SINGING!"

"_No I didn't."_

"Yes you did!"

"_When?"_

"Five seconds ago! When you said I don't sing live at my **live** concerts!" She slaps her hand over her mouth. Oh God, please…

"_Ming-Ming…Admits she doesn't sing live at her **live** concerts…"_

"GRR! LISTEN YOU! IF YOU DON'T STOP TWISTING MY WORDS AGAINST ME, I'M GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND SHOVE THIS CHAIR RIGHT UP YOUR DAMN-"

"_Ming-Ming…Has no clue that this is a **live**, international broadcast…"_

"WE'RE LIVE?'! OH MY GOD, PLEASE TELL ME HE'S LYING!"

"_He's not."_

"Nice try. You aren't God!"

"_How do you know? You can't see me. We're **LIVE **after all…"_

"Why you no-good, filthy little bas-"

"_Now you know…Ming-Ming…"_

"No they don't! All they know is that you're a pathological liar! Where did you get your information?'! Hey; HEY! GET BACK HERE WITH THAT CAMERA! I'M NOT DONE YET! COME BAAAAACCCCKKK!"

* * *

Kit: Wow, I feel so much better now! A little character torture is just what I needed!

Kai: Were you born evil?

Kit: Nah. I think it developed over time. Though you know what they say about twins. One is _always_ born evil.

Kai: But you don't **have** a twin.

Kit: Oh yeah…in that case, then yes, I was born evil. Review if you want, no flames. I'm STILL bored, though…(looks at Kai evilly)…And I THINK I might have my next contestant…

Kai: Back off, demon-girl…

**Are and Are**


	3. Hilary Tatibana!

Kit: Something is NOT right here!

Kai: And you say that, why?

Kit: Well, I'm getting REAL compliments, the hit's thing is almost to one hundred on this story, and I'm getting actual reviews.

Kai: Let me get this straight…your complaining because people like the story.

Kit: YEAH!

Kai: THAT'S A GOOD THING!

Kit: But I'm writing out of sheer boredness! This is coming straight off the top of my head! IT'S JUST SO COMPLETELY RANDOM! WHY THE HELL AM I COMPLAINING?

Kai: That's what I'd like to know…

Kit: O.o anyways, this chapter is going to be all about Hilary. I go to a lot of different fan sites, and I have learned that there are four main types of Beyblade fans when it comes to these two girls: (1) Those who hate Hilary, but like Ming-Ming, (2) Those who hate Ming-Ming, but not Hilary, (3) Those who hate neither one, and (4) Those who loathe them both with a burning passion! I happen to fall into the second category. Anyways, I thought it would be a good idea to place these side-by-side so no one would be too mad at each other. TO THE REVIEWS!

To black-moon-dream: You REALLY cut that close! Yes, she DID deserve that…

To VGMaster04: Well you won't have to wait! Here's a review!

To Betrayed by Darkness: And who doesn't?

To Jake: NOT AGAIN! Jake, just stay calm, and put down the hammer…

To mew shauzia: That I do! (grins)

To Lilicat93: I'm really sorry, but you reviewed just as soon as I posted. I would have replied last chapter if so. I won't go TOO hard on them, maybe.

Kit: I've been reading some other KYS parodies in the Shaman King category, so I have some excellent ideas for this chapter, thanks mainly to _Know Your Stars: Shaman King Style_. So don't give me all the credit!

(You know the deal. I'm too poor to own it.)

* * *

Discern Your Actors!

_a.k.a._

Know Your Stars! 

Chapter 1

**Hilary Tatibana**

(Hilary is relaxing in the chair, waiting to start)

"_Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" _The narrator says in a round.

"_Hilary Tatibana…Is a natural blonde…"_

"Umm…no." Hilary responds. "My hair is _brown_, not blonde. Anyone with decent eyesight can see that."

"_Hilary Tatibana…Is a professional WWF wrestler…"_

"What? I think you read that card wrong. I'm not a professional wrestler. I'm not a professional anything."

"_Hilary Tatibana…Is a certified pain…"_

"I'm a WHAT? THAT WAS SO UNCALLED FOR!"

"_Does the truth hurt?"_

"That is NOT the truth! Who would tell you to say something like that?"

"_Hilary Tatibana…She wears a size 7 shoe…"_

Hilary opens her mouth to reply, but stops. "Okay, that one was true…"

"_Hilary Tatibana…She's 5'1''…"_

"That's true too…"

"_Hilary Tatibana…Her waistline is-"_

"DON'T YOU DARE FINISH THAT SENTENCE YOU PERVERT!"

"_Hilary Tatibana…Is going to kill Tyson…"_

"And you say that because…?"

"_Hilary Tatibana…Tyson paid me to say these things…"_

"TYSON WHAT?'! TYSSSSSOOOOOOOON!"

(from backstage) "No! Hilary! I didn't! I swear!" Tyson yells.

"YOU PERVERT! HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET MY MESUREMENTS?" Hilary roars.

"I DIDN'T!"

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU GRANGER!" She says, and runs backstage after Tyson.

"No! Hilary! Please! Don't! AHHHHHHHHH!"

"_Now you know…Hilary Tatibana…"_

* * *

Kit: That was weak. Really weak. I'm in shame from the weakness.

Kai: Then why don't you just go ahead and type up Tyson's? You aren't that fond of his character, you've already gotten the beginnings of a good torture, and you don't have anything _else_ to do…

Kit: Hmm…I think I will! Don't think that this gets you off the hook though…

Kai: (thinking) _Blast!_

Kit: Well, I'll get started on that next one. Maybe even have it up today. Oh, and I was just guessing that info. I wouldn't suggest actually using it as reference for your fic. Latez!

**Are and Are**


	4. Tyson Granger!

Kit: It's been, what, five minutes since I posted chapter three, and already I have reviews! God, you people are fast! Might as well reply.

To Jake: GO VG; I-I mean, oh no! How terrible! (cough-VGyourule-cough) NOT KITTY!

To VGMaster04: Soon enough for you?

To Death Angel's Shadow: WHO DOES?

Kai: The Ming-Ming fans?

Melissa: SHUT UP!

To Betrayed by Darkness: You people love to cut it close, don't you? I'M UPDATING!

Kit: Note: There might be a little couple/sibling (if there is no real couple) torture in this chapter (the couples I think should be together, that is) but mainly, I'm in the mood for some Tyson torture! I'm ready to type, SO LET'S DO THIS THING!

(Blah blah-I don't own it-blah)

* * *

Discern Your Actors!

_a.k.a._

Know Your Stars!

Chapter 4

**Tyson Granger**

(Tyson is sitting on the chair…asleep?'!)

"_Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" _The narrator says in a round.

"_Tyson Granger…"_

Tyson does nothing.

"_Tyson Granger!"_

Tyson still does nothing.

"_TYSON GRANGER!"_

Tyson responds by snoring loudly.

"_**TYSON GRANGER! WAKE UP KID!"**_

Tyson, startled, wakes with a yelp and falls out of the chair. "What the? Oh yeah, I'm supposed to do that interview thing. Guess I musta dozed off…we aren't live are we?"

"_Oh, for crying out loud! YES!"_

Tyson grins sheepishly. "Whoops! My bad!"

"_Let's just start this over."_

"Fine with me, dude!"

**-Goes to a short commercial break-**

(Tyson is sitting on the chair, awake this time, and blissfully unaware that the narrator is out for REVENGE. No one ignored HIM)

"_Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" _The narrator says in a round.

"_Tyson Granger…His least favorite sport is Beyblading…"_

"Wha? Who told you that? If I hated Beyblading, then why am I world champion? Hm?"

"_Tyson Granger…Cheats in his Beyblade matches…"_

"No way! I'm no cheater! What's with this?"

"_Tyson Granger…He posted Hilary's measurements on the Internet…"_

"Say WHAT? Dude, if Hilary finds out-" Too late.

(from backstage) "I KNEW IT! WHY YOU PERVERT, HOW DID YOU GET MY MESUREMENTS? WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU…!" Hilary is now fighting off both Security Officers and some of the guys to get to Tyson onstage.

"Chill out Hilary, I was just kidding! Yeesh!"

"_Tyson Granger…Was just making out with Mariah backstage…"_

"ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME KILLED?"

(from backstage) "HE WAS **_WHAT_**?" Ray's voice is heard, and he doesn't sound happy…

"WHAT THE HELL DID HE JUST SAY?" This time, it's Lee. (Aww, big brother to the rescue! Poor, poor Tyson…)

"YOU CHEATING PIG!" You guessed it. Hilary.

"CRAP! Ray! Lee! Hilary! I wasn't! I didn't!"

"_Then how do you explain the blushing?"_

"YOU ARE BLUSHING!"

"YOU'RE SO DEAD TYSON!" Ray and Lee, who are some of the many trying to restrain Hilary, are now being restrained. The Security Officers had given up a LONG time ago…

"Ray, calm down!" Max…

"Yeah, Lee, c'mon!" Kane…

"Jeez Hilary, your acting like a five year old!" Raul…

"HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOU FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS MAKING OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND?" Ray yells.

"OR YOU SISTER?" Lee continues.

"Well…" Michael…

"That IS a very good point…" King…

"But of course, that's not our problem!" Miguel…

Tyson suddenly thinks of something: 'Wait a sec…Max, Kane, Raul, Michael, King, Miguel…all of them has a sister or a girlfriend; Oh God, no, he wouldn't…!'(What do you think? That's what I thought.)

"_Tyson Granger…Was ALSO making out earlier with Miriam, Salima, Julia, Emily, Queen, and Mathilda…"_ Revenge was sweet.

"WHAT?" All the boys suddenly turn around.

"Ahh, I'm going to run away now"

"GET HIM!" Everyone screams and runs towards Tyson.

"AHH! NO! I DIDN'T TOUCH THEM! I SWEAR! PLEASE! PLE-NOOOOO!"

"_Now you know…Tyson Granger…"_

"HEEEEELLLLPPPPP!"

* * *

Kit: Oh, that felt so good! Very relaxing!

Kai: Only YOU could find character torture relaxing. But couldn't this be considered bash-

Kit: NO! don't say it!

Kai: What, bash-

Kit: SHH! I'm being very careful not to call it that. Cuz, it's really not. Just poking some fun.

Kai: Ah.

Kit: On the couples' situation, the pairings are in order of name. Queen and Julia are King and Raul's twins'. That's SIBILING love, NOT incest, okay? Just making that clear. So tell me, who should come next? I'm letting you decide the next chapter, so speak up everyone! You know what to do.

Melissa: BYE!

**Are and Are**


	5. Max Tate!

Kit: Whoa! I got so many requests for characters that it was hard to decide. Also, I got so many reviews that it would take me way too long to respond, so sorry people! Like I said, REALLY hard choice, but I figured that he had been put off for way too long, thus said, my next victim is none other than…MAX TATE! Wahoo! Anyways, I'd also like to take this time to make a few announcements concerning my other stories. Actually, just Blade in Blood and In the Eyes of the Automail Wolf. I'm sad to say that I have completely lost my writing spirit for my FMA fic, and so it will be deleted in the near future. I'm sorry for the readers. I would also like to announce that I have realized that I have written myself into a corner in Blade in Blood and it too will be deleted in next few days or so. BUT WAIT! There is more. I'm taking B.i.B. down TEMPORARILY so I can re-plot it, reveal the secrets that would have NEVER gotten out at the rate I was going at, and to completely make over the character. So let's all say good-bye to Melissa as she goes for her extreme character makeover.

Melissa: Wait…what? WHERE AM I GO-(disappears)

Kit: Bye-bye Mel! See you soon! The nextime you may see her, it will be in the Blade in Blood replacement, Breaking the Language Barrier. I have so many ideas for her, so just remember, it's still Melissa, just maybe a little different. I'm also going to be doing some major reconfiguring on the _Immortals_ sagas, so keep an eye on the bio page! Now let's get this one over with so I can get started on the other stories…

(See previous chappies)

* * *

Discern Your Actors!

_a.k.a._

Know Your Stars! 

Chapter 5

**Max Tate**

(Max is sitting in the studio on a chair)

"_Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" _The narrator says in a round.

"_Max Tate…He's diabetic…"_

"Yeah RIGHT! I like sugar too much to be a diabetic. I don't know where this info came from, but you need to check your sources." Max replies

"_Max Tate…He's actually a puppy…"_

"What?" Max asks.

(from backstage) "PUPPY!" A brown-haired girl runs onstage (give yah three guesses). "WHERE'S DA PUPPY?" she screams.

Max's reaction: "O.O…what are YOU doing here?"

"_Who's she?"_

The girl looks up and around. "Who's that? Is he God? WHERE'S THE PUPPY?"

Max sighs, "Kit, Melissa got out of the pen. And I think she's sugar high."

Melissa blinks, "How'd yah know?" A red haired girl now runs onstage.

"You were in that pen for a reason! I HAVE TO GIVE YOU A FULL CHARACTER MAKEOVER!" She screams, dragging Melissa offstage.

"I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE! DON'T MAKE ME! PLEASE KIT, NOOOOOOO!" It now grows quiet.

"_Back to the torture."_ Says the narrator.

"_Max Tate…He's not **really** blonde…"_

"Dude, are you saying I color my hair? That's so gay!"

"_Max Tate…He's-"_

"DON'T EVEN GO THERE!"

"_Alright. (cough-gay-cough)"_

"I HEARD THAT!"

"_Max Tate…Tyson stole his girlfriend."_

"Excuse me?"

(from backstage) "THIS GUY IS GOING TO GET ME KILLED!"

"_Tyson Granger…Is making out with Miriam as we speak."_

"WHAT? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"

"TYSON!"

"No, Maxie! I'm nowhere NEAR her!" and with that, he starts running.

Max stands up and runs after said youth, screaming, "I'M GOING TO DESTROY YOU!"

"_Now you know…Max Tate…"_

"DIE TYSON!"

"AHHHHHHH!"

* * *

Kit: Very weak, very bad, very short, but my mind is on other things right now. Like the new Melissa. So I'll start on that right away!

Kai: Out of curiosity, you aren't going to make her look like a boy in this fic, are you?

Kit: No, she just about killed me for that. She's going to be at least sixteen or so.

Kai: Good, that was a little scary.

Kit: Yeah. Anyways, enjoy!

**Are and Are**


	6. Kai Hiwatari!

Kit: Once again, too many reviews per chapter. Which is not a bad thing. But all of you who are reading this, I would just like to remind you that I have another story up that has no reviews. Could we do something about that please? Anyways, Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and I am proud to announce that today's victim is, by popular demand…KAI HIWATARI!

Kai: Excuse me?

Kit: (completely ignoring him) And in a related topic, I'm also happy to say that this story has over 500 hits! WA-hoo?

Ray: Something the matter?

Kit: It's just I received a review from Lilicat93 that states that the voice said some TRUE information!

All: (gasp)

Kit: She says that in the Beyblade movie, there is a point where Max says he dyes his hair.

Max: Really? How interesting… (thinking) _Frack! Blasted reviews! NO SECRET IS SAFE!_

Kit: Uhh, Max?

Max: Yes?

Kit: You do realize that I heard that.

Max: FRACK!

Kit: Yes anyways, time for the update. ONWARD!

(You know the deal)

* * *

Discern Your Actors!

_a.k.a._

Know Your Stars! 

Chapter 6

**Kai Hiwatari**

(Kai is in the chair looking, well, like Kai)

"_Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" _The narrator says in a round.

"_Kai Hiwatari…He's never been to Russia…"_

"Hn?" Kai responds.

"_Hn? What's that supposed to mean?"_

(from backstage) "He said, 'What are you talking about I'm from Russia you frackin' idiot get your info straight.'" The voice belongs to Tala.

"…_you got all that from 'hn'?"_

"You learn to speak Kai after awhile."

"_I see."_

"Hn." Kai says boredly.

"_Hn?"_

"Hn.

"_Hn?"_

"HN."

"_Hn?"_

"HN!"

"_Hn?"_

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT PART OF 'HN' DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? THE 'H' OR THE 'N' DAMMIT!"

"_Good to see I finally got your attention. Let's continue."_

"Tch. Whatever."

"_Kai Hiwatari…He's a team player…"_

Kai arches an eyebrow, "You're kidding me. Where'd you get this info; Max on a sugar rampage?"

"_There's no 'I' in 'Team'."_

"And apparently you don't know that's there's no 'Kai' in 'Team' either." (A/N: That's actually one of his lines from Season 1)

"_Kai Hiwatari…He's a group psychologist in his free time…"_

"Do I look like a freakin' People Person?"

"_Well…um…"_

Kai sits back in his chair, looking rather smug. He had beaten to narrator at his own game. Little did he know that the big guns were about to come out…

"_Kai Hiwatari…He loves cats…"_

Kai pales, "NO! IT'S A LIE!"

"_Oh look. He's blushing!"_

Laughter is heard from backstage. "NO WAY! KAI LOVES CATS! HAHA!"

"SHUT UP TALA!"

"_I got my information from a reliable source. Even have pictures to prove it."_

"What? Who the frackin' Hell did you get- unless…HIRO! YOU DID THIS YOU TRATOR! YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN THAT GIRLFRIEND STEALING BROTHER OF YOURS!"

(from backstage) "I DIDN'T STEAL ANYONE'S GIRLFRIEND DAMMIT! WHY IS IT YOU PEOPLE MUST KEEP COMING BACK TO THAT?" I shouldn't have to explain who this is if you've been good little readers and read all the other chapters. So I won't.

"THERE HE IS!" A voice yells from off camera.

"Oh God, not again…" (I didn't think I'd be able to get a 'Tyson getting jumped again' scene in this chapter. Thank you, Imagination!)

Tyson runs onstage, shortly followed by an angry mob of brothers and boyfriends, all bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, smoldering irons, band saws or any other deadly device you could think of. Kai 'Hn's. This could be amusing.

"Can't we all just talk this out, he he?" The mob has other ideas. Unfortunately, I cannot print these said thoughts, because that alone would cause the rating to go up even higher than Fanfiction allows. So we'll just have to settle with their spoken words.

"You aren't weaseling you way out of this one, Tyson…"

"Miguel, you don't really mean that." Tyson is trying to weasel his way out of this one, just to let you know.

"Oh yes he does."

"And you know that HOW Michael?" Tyson asks.

"Enough talking! LYNCH 'IM! LYNCH 'IM!"

"Oh c'mon, let's be reasonable about this Johnny-- wait; Johnny?'! What are you doing here? You don't have a sister OR a girlfriend."

The Scottish blader blinks a few times. "Oh, you mean I have to have a REASON to kill you? I just thought all the guys had finally turned against you…"

"No, you see they think- WHADA YAH MEAN 'FINALLY'? YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE ALL GOING TO TRY TO KILL ME IN THE FORM OF AN ANGRY MOB?"

"Didn't everybody?"

Tyson facefaults. "Thanks a lot, man."

"Anytime. Can we kill him now?"

"Hold on a second." Lee says. "Tyson, start running."

"Okay." Tyson runs of stage, screaming his head off as Ray counts to five.

When he finishes, he says, "Okay, now we can kill him." With that said, the mob picks up their weapons, begins to yell, and runs after him.

"Well, that was different. Where were we again?" Kai asks a few moments later.

"_You were just denying that you're a cat person."_

"Oh yeah…LIES! LIES I SAY!"

"_Now you know, Kai Hiwatari…"_

"NO THEY DON'T! ALL THEY KNOW IS THAT TYSON IS ABOUT TO DIE! COME BACK HERE! DON'T YOU DARE FADE OUT! HEY!"

* * *

Kit: You people wanted Kai, I gave you Kai! You people wanted to see Tyson getting jumped again, I got him attacked! You people wanted Johnny to make an appearance, I- well, actually, no one asked me to do that. I did that one on my own. BUT I MADE IT WORK!

Tyson: (runs in screaming; Johnny runs in right behind him, wielding a chainsaw) READ AND REVIEW WHO CARES ABOUT FLAMES IT'S STILL A RESPONSE AND ANOTHER HIT!

Kit: (completely oblivious) Thanks Tyson! Latez!

Johnny: (laughing like a maniac) I HAVEN'T HAD THIS MUCH FUN IN YEARS! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Are and Are**


	7. Tala Valkov! Sorta

Kit: SO MANY REVIEWS! SO MANY HITS! TOO LITTLE TIME! Okay, I'm done now. I would also like to ask something: Why do you people hate Breaking the Language Barrier so much? It's been up since, what, Monday? And I have just one review, no favs, and no alerts for it. I feel like crying…

Kai: Please don't. You'll get the floor wet, and we don't have a janitorial system. And if we did, they would probably be non-union.

Kit: Thank you Mr. Sympathy! I feel LOTS better now.

Kai: I can do anything I want now that my turn is done.

Kit: (mumbling) That's why they invented sequels…

Kai: What was that?

Kit: Uh, I said…In math we learned about equals! Yeah, that's it!

Kai: Whatever. We still don't have a janitorial system.

Kit: I could fix that. And our security system. As long as Johnny doesn't do anything stupid…

Kai: Speaking of Johnny, where'd he go?

Johnny: (runs in dressed like Link; still wielding chainsaw) I'm off to slay the fat guys at the Renaissance Festival! (revs up chainsaw) Huzzah! (runs out, laughing like a maniac)

Kai: …

Kit: Kai, since when does my hometown have a Renaissance Festival?

Oliver: (runs in) WHERE'S JOHNNY?

Kit: At the Renaissance Festival that I didn't know existed until Johnny came in dressed as a video game character and said he was going there to slay all the fat guys. Why?

Oliver: BECAUSE THERE IS NO FESTIVAL! HE'S GOING DOWN TO THE STATE WIDE CHESS TOURNAMENT!

Kit: WITH A CHAINSAW? Oh dear, not good. Um, I'll be back in a bit ladies and gentlemen, but in the meantime, enjoy the chapter! C'MON OLIVER, WE'VE GOT TO GO STOP THE CHESS-HATING, CHAINSAW WIELDING MANIAC THAT IS JOHNNY! I knew I shouldn't have left that tool shed open…

(I don't own it)

* * *

Discern Your Actors!

_a.k.a._

Know Your Stars! 

Chapter 7

**Tala Valkov**

(Tala is in the studio chair, waiting)

"_Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" _The narrator says in a round.

"_Tala Valkov…He's a gold medallist Russian figure skater…"_

"I'm a what? Yes, I skate, but come on! IT'S GODAMN RUSSIA! The only way to get around is by skating…"

"_Tala Valkov…He's a robot…"_

"Ah, that's a common misconception. Yes, Kai's demonic grandfather's people did alter my brainwaves, but they did not make me non-human. You want non-human, talk to the Zagart kid, Zeo."

"_Tala Valkov…He thinks his best friend is descended from demons…"_

"I MEANT THAT KAI'S GRANDFATHER WAS A PSYCHOPATIC FREAK! ASK KAI! HE THINKS SO TOO!" (thinking) _The guys warned me about this…_

"_Tala Valkov…He used to be a girl…"_

"WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?"

"_In the Japanese version, your name was Yuri Ivanov. Sounds like a girl to me…"_

"That's why the dubbers changed it. Duh. Now if you want to question someone's gender, then I would suggest Oliver."

"_Why him?"_

"Three good reasons: His launcher is PINK, his bit beast is a UNICORN, and he looks like frackin GIRL." (A/N: Sorry to the Oliver fans. I don't like to do it; Oliver's one of my favorites.)

"_I see…"_ (thinking) _This kid is REALLY starting to get to me…_

"_Tala Valkov…He gets beaten up everyday…"_

"Uhh, no. I don't know WHO this is coming from, but they are liars. Heck, after the whole 'Boris trying to destroy the world' crap, I got a new motto: Don't Hit Kids." (A/N: I got all these little mottos of the character galleries from the "Bladers Forever" geocities site.)

The voice is now cracking up with laughter. _"Right…"_

Tala cocks an eyebrow. "No, seriously. We have guns now." He holds up his gun-shaped launcher to empathize his words. The voice is finally beginning to get it.

"_You aren't going to crack, are you?"_

"Nope. They beat that out of us as kids at the abbey." He quickly looks around and says quietly, "However, if it's blackmail you need…"

"_Hold on a second are you…EvilIceBoy16?"_

Tala has an evil smirk on his face. "The one and only."

"_I was wondering when I would get to meet… (DUN, DUN, DUN) my source."_ (Gasp! Tala's the one behind this?)

Tala's evil smirk becomes a grin. "This little conversation never happened. Now continue on."

"_Right. Tala Valkov…"_ The voice starts, but is stopped when large amounts of screaming are heard. Suddenly, a fairly short, brown-haired boy dressed up as Link and wielding a chainsaw runs onto the stage. A few seconds later, a green-haired boy and a red-haired girl run in after him, panting.

"Finally." the boy gasps. "Okay Johnny, put down the chainsaw…"

"NEVER!" Johnny has been backed into a corner, and cannot escape.

The red-haired girl won't take that answer. "Johnny, cough up the chainsaw." Everyone gives her strange looks.

"Interesting choice of words, Kit." Oliver says. Kit just grins like a maniac.

"No." the Scottish blader replies. Kit's eyes grow as big as saucers and take on a disgusting cute factor as she (gulp) chibifies. Oliver looks like he's going to be sick.

"Pwease give us da cwainsaw, or else…" she trails off.

"'Or else' what?" Johnny challenges. Kit suddenly poofs back to normal.

"One of MANY things. I could: (A) Make you listen to Robert's long, boring lectures on his family history (gasp!), (B) Re-chibify and watch Oliver barf at my disgustingly Ming-Ming like cuteness (double gasp!), (C) Gag you, tie you up, dress you like a girl, and trick Enrique into going out with you (triple gasp and gagging from Oliver; Kit is beginning to think option two is going to happen regardless), (D) Get Jake out here, give her spiky sledge hammer back, and let _her_ handle this (quadruple gasp!), OR you can hand over the chainsaw and go with the nice men in white, Bob and Joe." Two large men in white uniforms suddenly pop up from nowhere behind Kit. Everyone sweatdrops, with the exception of said Authoress.

'_Do I REALLY have much of a choice?'_ Johnny thinks. "Fine…" he says, and drops the lethal power tool. Now, without the danger of certain death to sway her, Kit tackles Johnny and forces him to the ground. Bob runs over and helps her pin him down, while Joe straps him into a straight jacket. Oliver is unable to help them, seeing as he's currently barfing into a trash can that conveniently appeared onstage, the entire time thinking: _"Chibi Kit…saucers…Duct tape…Johnny…dress…date…"_

Johnny blinks, and then screams, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? WHERE AM I GOING?"

"Don't worry, Johnny. Joe and Bob here are good friends of mine. They're going to take you to the Happy Hotel, a magical place without chess, chainsaws, or fat guys in Renaissance clothing. Doesn't that sound nice?" Kit says in a sickeningly happy tone. Tala almost wants to barf himself; Oliver just continues.

"The 'Happy Hotel'?"

"Yep! I'm even letting you stay in my private room. It's got soft, spongy, padded walls that don't hurt you when you run into them. Plus, they always make sure you get a good night's sleep, and you can scream and yell as much as you like, all day long."

"I like the sound of this place!" He tells her as Joe and Bob put him in the padded van.

"Great! See you in six months Johnny!"

"SIX MONTHS! Wait, this isn't a limo…I'M GOING TO THE INSANE ASYLUM! KI-" before he can finish, Bob and Joe slam the doors to the van, get in, and drive off to the 'Happy Hotel', Johnny in tow.

"_Now, you still don't know…Tala Valkov…"_

"Why did I come here again?"

* * *

Kit: That was so frackin random! So…yeah. Here's that update! I hope I didn't scar you people too much…I'll probably do Ray next, but I'm running out of ideas. This time, instead of sending me character requests, SEND ME IDEAS! I need them badly.

Kai: Loser.

Kit: (glares) Shut up demon-boy.

Kai: (glares back)

**Are and Are**


	8. Ray Kon! And where's Kit?

Kit: HELLO READERS! I have come with thy update! And with bad news. This Friday I'm having oral surgery, and the next Monday, school starts again. Damn. But there is good news! This is the celebration chapter! This story now has over 1200 hits! WOOHOO! And last night, I saw a REAL 'Know Your Stars' segment, and am going to base this one off of it. Today's victim: Ray Kon! Thanks to all who sent those suggestions, I'll be using them in later chapters. This time, I'm putting in some SELF torture, as Kit, by trapping myself in a closet with (gulp) Enrique, whose biggest fan I am not…this will not go well…

(Don't own it, or the 'trapped in a closet' bit)

* * *

Discern Your Actors!

_a.k.a._

Know Your Stars! 

Chapter 8

**Ray Kon**

(Ray is sitting on the chair)

"_Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" _The narrator says in a round.

"_Ray Kon…Is getting very sleepy…"_

"I'm what? I'm not tired; I took my nap before I came to the studio!" He replies, following the last part up with a BIG smile.

"_Ray Kon…His eyelids are getting heavier by the minute…"_

"Sir, if you're trying to hypnotize me, it's not working. That only works on morons."

"_Ray Kon…In three seconds, he'll do whatever I say…"_

"No I won't!"

"_1…2…"_

"This is ridicules-"

"_3…"_

Ray suddenly falls unconscious in the chair.

**(Backstage)**

"Wow, it ACTUALLY worked." Oliver says to no one in particular.

"Who would have thought?" Brooklyn answers.

**(Onstage)**

"_Ray Kon…Act like a Chicken!"_

Ray's head shoots up as he begins to cluck and peck the ground. "SQUACK!" He screams.

"_Ray Kon…Dance!"_

While still continuing his clucking spree, Ray begins to breakdance on the floor. So in other words, he thinks he's a breakdancing chicken. Use your imagination…

"_Ray Kon…Act like Evil Brooklyn!"_

Ray, the breakdancing chicken, now begins to laugh maniacally between clucks; now making him Ray, the sadistic, breakdancing chicken…

**(Backstage)**

All backstage personnel laughing too hard to respond at moment (except Brookie, he's just pissed). Please check back later. (A/N: The next scene is just for those Ray fan girls! Enjoy! XD!)

**(Onstage)**

"_Ray Kon…DROP YOUR PANTS!"_

Ray obeys, and drops his pants to reveal his black boxers, still continuing the previous three commands. (Me: Look everyone! It's Ray, the sadistic, pantless, breakdancing chicken! CALL THE MEDIA!)

Most of those backstage either continue laughing, but a few stop and look disgusted. Take your pick.

**(Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away…actually, it's the other side of the studio, but who cares?)**

"ENRIQUE! Wait up!" A red head screams at a blonde boy walking in the hall. He stops and turns to her.

"Yes, Kit? Have you finally decided to go on that date I asked you on?" He smiles sweetly. Kit looks like she's gonna puke.

"Uh…no. And that will ALWAYS be…no. I need to talk to you about Johnny. I just got a call from the insane asylum, and, umm…" She looks around nervously.

"Yes…?" Enrique, "What about him?"

"He escaped."

"WHAT?"

"That's what I said too. They've got an APB in five states out for him, 23 arrest warrants, the army, the navy, as well as a warning to the chess community, owners of any power tool of any type to be on their guard, and a small community in Maine is on the lookout.

"…a small community in Maine?"

"It's a LOOONNNNGGGG story. But I suspect he'll strike back HERE first for revenge, though."

"Then we had best warn the others…"

_**RATTLE, RATTLE**_

"Did you hear something?" Kit asks.

"I did…"

**_RATTLE, RATTLE_** (evil laughter comes from inside a broom closet)

"You don't think…"

"I do." Enrique says, unsheathing his sword (which just magically appeared on his belt).

Kit nods and does the same. The two approach the closet and burst in, surprising the innocent…

…cleaning equipment. A tape recorder is on a small table, the sounds of rattling and laughter playing on it. The youth sigh, lower their weapons, and walk over to the tape recorder. Kit shuts it off.

"What's THIS doing he-" she begins, but is cut off by the door slamming shut behind them, followed by the click of the lock. The two spin around to see someone on the other side of the glass window.

"JOHNNY! LET US OUT!" They scream at him. Johnny just laughs evilly and runs away. Kit and Enrique look at each other, run over, and begin to pound on the door.

"HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPP!"

**(Onstage)**

By this time, the voice has given Ray several unorthodox commands, so now he was Ray, the pantless, fire-pin-juggling, piano-playing, river dancing, breakdancing (how he did the two at the same time is beyond me), horse riding, sadistic chicken. Once again, use your imagination…

"_I love causing pain…"_ The narrator says in a sing-song voice.

**(Backstage)**

See previous backstage commentary.

**(Onstage)**

"_Ray Kon…WAKE UP!"_

Ray immediately comes to. "Wha, where am I?" he says in a dazed voice "Why is the floor scratched up and burnt? WHY ARE MY PANTS AROUND MY ANKLES?"

"_Now you know…Ray Kon, the pantless, fire-pin-juggling, piano-playing, river dancing, breakdancing, sadistic chicken…"_

"I'm a what?"

**(Backstage)**

"Hey, has anyone seen Kit?"

* * *

Kit: WILL we ever get out of the broom closet? WHO will get help? WHAT are we going to tell Ray? WHEN will Johnny be captured? WHERE has my sanity gone to? Most of these questions will be answered, nextime on Discern Your Actors!

Kai: Someone's had too much hot coco…

Kit: Nope! I GOT MY HAIR STRAIGHTENED! It's temp, though. I LOVE IT SO MUCH THAT I'M HYPER! WOO!

Kai: Review and save us from (looks at Kit) that THING…

Kit: BOTHER!

**Are and Are**


	9. The Chaotic Closet Conclusion

Kit: Woo! I'm back with da chappie! Yay! And I might just be able to get these responses in! TO THE REVIEWS!

To blackartofchaos: If anyone has seen my sanity, please tell it I miss it very, very much and to send it back home. We have cookies!

To Jake: Ooh! SUSHI TIME!

To Betrayed by Darkness: I am influenced by my almost daily sugar rushes, friend Jake, dogs, OC's, and a small community in Maine. Enjoy!

To sailor-stardestroyer13: I'll try to get to those Majestics as soon as possible, but if you remember, I'm kinda stuck in a closet with one of the biggest womanizers in history. -.- If you people haven't figured it out yet, I'm big on women's rights. GIRL POWER ALL THE WAY!

To Kyogue: PLUSHIES! (huggles Brooklyn and Oliver plushies) Thank you a lot! I DON'T WANNA HAVE SURGERY! (sniff) Thankies a lot.

To BeybladeRULZ1: Thank you! I DON'T WANNA GO!

Kai: Great. She's repeating herself…

To mrsalexwatkins: PANTLESS! You have a really long name to type, you know that?

To Bonnie: This is the conclusion of the Closet Chaos chapter, and I'll get back to the normal gist of things next one. Being hysterical is fun!

To Ashley: Well apparently, everyone wants to see Bryan next. So next chapter, I SHALL GIVE YOU BRYAN! Cuz I'm that nice. (big smile)

To IrishPotatoes: I LOVE your name BTW! Let's see, Kai was chapter, what, 6? I hope you enjoy reading my work as much as I do! My grading policy is: If I laugh every time I read it, then you do to. Make sense?

To Death Angel's Shadow: Fear my pantless fury. Roar. I hope someone does too! I DON'T WANNA BE STUCK HERE! WAHAHA! Okay, I'm done.

Kit: Time for the long awaited conclusion O.O Not really, it's only been one day! ;) N E ways, let's get this show on da road!

(I don't own any of Beyblade)

* * *

Chapter 9

**The Chaotic Closet Conclusion**

(three hours later)

The production has been put on hold, as to there is NO Authoress to direct it!

"ARGH! Where IS she? She was just here a second ago!" Michael yells to no particular person.

"As was Enrique…you don't think…" Robert trails off. Miriam shakes her head.

"Naw, Kit hates Enrique too much to elope with him." Everyone sweatdrops.

"Well, ELOPE wasn't the FIRST thing that came to mind, but…" Max also trails off.

"HAS ANYONE SEEN THE WATER DELIVERY GUY? HE'S LATE!" Tyson yells from the Greenroom.

"SHUT UP TYSON BEFORE WE KILL YOU AGAIN!"

"Yes sir."

Robert turns to get some tea, only to find that the tea set is gone. "Has anyone seen my tea set? It was here just a moment ago."

Before anyone could answer Oliver runs in, looking rather angry. "Alright, who took it?" All he gets are blank stares.

"Um, took WHAT?"

"My keas! I set it down to cool, and now it's gone!" (A/N: I think that's the right spelling. A keas is a kind of pie-thing, and its pronounced KEY-sh)

"This is weird." Ray says aloud. "What do you think Lee--Wha! Hey, where's Lee?" Yes, another one bites the dust. Lee, who was standing with the others just a moment ago, has too, gone missing.

"Something isn't right here…" Miguel says. As if on cue, the phone rings. Mathilda runs to get it.

"Hello?" She asks politely.

"**MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"** a voice laughs manically, loud enough for all to hear,then the line goes dead.

"Miguel?" Mathilda asks.

"Yes?"

"Could I please start screaming in terror now?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"Thanks…AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

**(Meanwhile…)**

"HEEEEEEELLLLLPPPPPP!" Kit howls, over and over again. Enrique is sitting in the corner, looking bored.

"Give it up, sweetie. No one can hear you. Anyways, why do you want to get out of here? You have ME after all…" He tells her with a suggestive smile. Kit looks horrified and turns back to the door.

"HEEEEEEELLLLLPPPPPP! I'M TRAPPED IN A CLOSET WITH A PERVERTED PSYCHOPATH SEXIST WHO CALLS ME SWEETIE! SOMEBODY GET ME OUTTA THIS LIVING HELL! PLLLLLEEEEEAAASSSSEEE! ANYBODY! SAVE ME!" Kit has been reduced to banging her head against the glass of the door for answers. "What have I done to deserve THIS? And only EMMI could decide to put in KIT PROOF DOORS. I swear, when I get my hands on her I'll-"

"HI BIG ME!" Kit's head shoots up and Enrique runs over. The two look through the glass and see none other than…

"CHIBI KIT! I never thought I would say this, but THANK GOD YOU ARE HERE!" Chibi Kit looks confused.

"Whatcha doin in the closet, big me?" The little 5 year old asks.

"We got locked in here by Johnny." Enrique answers.

"Da crawzy guy with dwa cwainsaw?"

"Um, yeah."

"Oh. He's nice!"

"Okay…look, we need the key. Could you go find the key for us?"

Chibi Kit looks at them, nods, yells "OKIE DOKIE!", and runs away. Two minutes later, she returns with a silver tea set. She offers it to Kit through the door.

"I said key, not tea. KEY!" Kit says. CK nods again and abruptly drops the tea set, contents spilling all over the floor.

Another two minutes later, CK returns with apie-like item, and offers it to them.

"No Chibi Kit, not keas, key." CK nods again, running off with the keas.

Another two minutes later, CK returns, with both the keas and a uniformed man. Kit groans and slaps the palm of her hand to her forehead.

"Uh, Kit…who's that?" Enrique asks her.

"That, Enrique, would be our water delivery guy, Keith." she responds, semi-calm. "Chibi Kit, we don't need Keith, we need a KEY!" CK nods, throws Keith down the hall, and runs away.

Four minutes later, she returns with a certain white tiger by the name of…

"LEE! Close enough, Chibi Kit. You can eat the keas now."

"Yay!" The chibi exclaims, and immediately begins to dig in.

Lee looks at Kit, to Enrique, and back again.

"What are you two doing in the closet?" He asks them.

"Johnny escaped and locked us in here." Enrique explains.

"Johnny ESCAPED? I thought you sent him to the insane asylum!"

"I DID! Where did you THINK he escaped from, the bathroom?" Kit asks him. Lee sweatdrops.

"Good point. Now, what was it you needed me to do?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe you could…GET US OUTTA HERE?'! I'VE BEEN STUCK IN THIS CLOSET FOR THREE FRACKIN HOURS WITH THAT THING!" Kit screams, pointing at Enrique, as said youth facefaults.

"Oh, come on, it wasn't that bad sweetie!" Enrique tells her. Kit begins to twitch, and Lee sweatdrops again.

"If you call me 'sweetie' one more time, I swear I'll"

"Right then, just hang tight for a few, and I'll be back with some help."

**(With the Others…)**

"……AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"Wow, I didn't know Mathilda had such a good set of lungs on her." Claude comments. Emily is holding a stopwatch in her hand.

"She's been going on for about ten minutes now." She says. Because they're all watching Mathilda, no one see's Lee walk in behind them. Except Mathilda, of course.

"AHHHHHHHHHH--OH MY GOD IT'S LEE!" she screams, and passes out in Miguel's arms. Everyone turns to see Lee standing there with an O.O expression on his face.

"LEE!" They all yell.

"Um, yeah. Hi. Uh……just thought you might want to know that Johnny escaped and has kinda got Kit and Enrique locked in a broom closet on the other side of the studio, and they can't get out." He points to Mathilda, "What happened to her?"

"Don't ask."

"Okay then……oh, and somebody might want to get a mop. Kit had CK running back in forth looking for the key. From what I can tell, she stole a tea set, a keas, which she was eating when I left, and the water delivery guy, Keith. It's not a very pleasant place right now."

"Um……right. TYSON, GET A MOP!"

"WHY DO I HAVE TO GET A MOP?"

"DON'T MAKE US KILL YOU AGAIN!"

"Yes sir."

**(Ten Minutes Later)**

"FREEDOM AT LAST!" Kit screams after Rick finishes picking the lock.

"You guys were in there for three whole hours?'!"

"Yeah." Enrique sighs, disappointed.

"Face it dude, you're never going to play Kit."

"I can still hope. But we had a good time, right sweetie?" Kit stops her victory dance, and turns toward Enrique.

"Oh……shit. Your going to kill me now, aren't you?"

"Look at it this way…what they did to Tyson is going to seem like a tap on the shoulder compared to the beating I'm going to give you. Start running."

"Yes ma'am!" And Enrique takes off. Before she goes after him, Kit says,

"Everyone back on set. I'll meet you there in twenty minutes." She looks at Bryan, "Get ready, your next." Bryan gulps. Kit turns towards the direction Enrique left in.

"PREPARE TO DIE PERVERT!" and runs after him.

* * *

Kit: Next up, BRYAN! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. LONGEST ONE YET! Like I said, I'll be having surgery in the few days, school starts soon, and updates will come less and less. Please excuse the randomness of this chapter, but I just thought a little variety would make you guys happy. Tell me if you do, or don't like it. I can take criticism. Bye-bye!

**Are and Are**


	10. Bryan Kuznetsov!

Kit: Okay, I guarantee that this is the LAST UPDATE you will see for a while. But, because there's a good chance I'll be at Compy most of the time, I'll post my email address on the bio. If anyone wants to ask questions about stories this weekend (If I'm awake, that is. I'll be on painkillers), I'll be happy to talk! It's a happy day! The story is at nearly 1700 hits and almost 100 reviews! I got about ten-ish this time around, but because I'll be gone, I'll respond to them.

To Lilicat93: I have to have oral surgery tomorrow (8-5-05) to remove all four of my Wisdom Teeth. Fairly standard, but I won't be able to eat solid food for a few days. And I can't eat after midnight or before the surgery. This sucks. Thank you for caring though.

To BeybladeRULZ1: I'm getting in my last update. I hope I get better soon too. School starts Monday!

To Jake: HI CHLOE HI CONNER! Naw, let Enrique go. Why…I'll tell you in a few minutes!

To VGMaster04: Thanks, I loved those key rhymes too!

To Kyogue: I'm glad you're enjoying the chappies! That's my job! COOKIES! Yay! Thankies! (sniff) My last solid sugar intake. I DON'T WANNA GO!

Kai: Didn't we already cover this…?

To luvyagal: Tala did get off easy, didn't he? I'll try to do something to change that later…

To Betrayed by Darkness: Random makes the world go round…which means I make the world go round…I'M QUEEN OF THE WORLD! I'M QUADRUPLE ROYALTY! That's been today's little bit of sense…BOTHER!

To Rising Phoenix: I hope Kai wasn't calling ME feisty. Cuz then he would have to die. Wow…she REALLY likes Bryan torture…

To Ashley: Thanks Ashley! I know the feeling. I have a German Shepard who's spoiled rotten, and a German Shepard--Lab (might possibly have some wolf in him) mix who thinks he's a lap dog (65 damn pounds!). I feel so sorry for your arm. Thanks for caring.

To mrsalexwatkins: A quiche? WTF (What The Frack?) Which honey? There are a lot of them! .

To Prisca: Honestly, I have no clue either. I'm making this stuff up as I go!

To blackartofchaos: Yeah, but I'm going to be nice to Enrique, for reasons you shall tell in a few minutes!

To Don't have a sn yet: I'm glad you like! Enjoy!

Kit: Before I start this chapter, I would like to announce that three of our bishies have B-days this month! So let's all wish a Happy Birthday to Tala Ivanov (August 13th), Michael Parker (August 15th), and Enrique Giancarlo (August 5th)! And because tomorrow's his birthday (and the day I have my surgery), I'm forgiving Enrique. Oh, and yes, I DO know I am obsessed. It's all part of being a rabid fangirl. Now, ON TO THE MAYHEM!

(I don't own anything)

* * *

Discern Your Actors!

_a.k.a._

Know Your Stars! 

Chapter 10

**Bryan Kuznetsov**

(Bryan is sitting quietly in the chair)

"_Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" _The narrator says in a round.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…He's a ravioli…"_

Bryan shakes his head no, thinking, 'I'm Russian, not Italian. That's Enrique'.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…He's a river dancer in his spare time…"_

Bryan shakes his head again, thinking, 'Wrong again. That's Ray. Duh.'

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…He's mute…"_

Bryan shakes his head, thinking, 'Something isn't right here.'

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…He can't speak in full sentences…"_

Bryan shakes his head, ' I'm REALLY starting to get annoyed…'

'_I'm REALLY starting to get annoyed…'_ the voice thinks.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Can't swim…"_

Bryan shakes his head.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Is wearing a dress…"_

Bryan shakes his head.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Has green hair…"_

Bryan shakes his head.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Once stared in the Broadway production of 'Oklahoma!'…"_

Bryan shakes his head.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Is a sushi expert…"_

Bryan shakes his head.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Loves puppies…"_

Bryan shakes his head.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Can't count past 20…"_

Bryan shakes his head.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Sings in the shower…"_

Bryan shakes his head.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Has a job at a local Wendy's Restaurant…"_

Bryan shakes his head.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Is in the NBA…"_

Bryan shakes his head.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Gives to Charity weekly…"_

Bryan shakes his head.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Won the Miss America pageant three years running…"_

Bryan shakes his head.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Hates being evil…"_

Bryan shakes his head.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Cuts his own hair…"_

Bryan shakes his head.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Can't eat solid foods…"_

Bryan shakes his head.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Isn't very random…"_

Bryan suddenly jumps out of the chair and screams, "What? THERE'S A WILD **FANDANGO** IN THE THEATER?'!"

**(Backstage)**

O.o

**(Onstage)**

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Is REALLY annoying me…"_

Bryan smiles and nods.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…Was raised in the SAME abbey that beat this kind of stuff out of them as kids, right…?"_

Bryan once again nods.

"_Bryan Kuznetsov…I Hate You…"_

Bryan smiles, takes a bow, and walks off stage.

**(Backstage)**

"He…he…OMG HE BEAT THE NARRATOR!" Ming-Ming sputters as Bryan walks by.

"Miracles do happen." Michael follows up.

Tala, who is rather quiet, thinks, 'DAMN! Just going to have to try harder **nextime**, I suppose…'

"_Now you know I can't annoy…Bryan Kuznetsov……I'M SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU PEOPLE CRY! WHY ARE YOU TAKING AWAY THE JOY IN MY LIFE? WHY!"_

* * *

Kit: End Chapter 10. I know, that wasn't very torturing, but what do you expect. THE GUY NEVER TALKS! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK IN THESE CONDITIONS? But I think it was kinda funny. Finally, some Voice torture! I'll miss you all while I'm away! You know the drill!

Johnny: Read and review, Constructive Criticism always welcome, Flames not appreciated but will happily be accepted. It's still a sign that we're getting story traffic.

Kit: Thanks Johnny--JOHNNY? THERE YOU ARE!

Johnny: (revs up chainsaw that just magically appears in hand) MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (runs away)

Kit: ROBERT! COME REIGN IN JOHNNY! (remembers you're still here) Oh, yeah. Bye-bye!

Johnny: (runs in chasing Kai his chainsaw) (laughing like a maniac)

Kai: KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT! A LITTLE HELP HERE!

Kit: ROBERT, OLIVER, ENRIQUE, GET YOUR ASSES IN HERE NOW!

**Are and Are**


	11. Johnny MacGregor!

Kit: HEEEEELLLLLOOOOO CLEVELAND! AND EVERYBODY ELSE OUT THERE! GUESS WHHHHHOOOOOOOO!

Kai: (pales) Oh shit, she's back!

Kit: Sure am! I'm feeling just fine, and the recovery is going smoothly. This chappie, I'm going to pick up where I left off, so today's victim is--drum roll please!

(silence)

Kit: I SAID, drum roll please!

(silence)

Kit: DRUM ROLL PLEASE!

Drum Roll Guy: (wakes up) Huh? Oh, sorry. (begins drum roll)

Kit: Thank you. Like I was saying, today's victim is, JOHNNY MACGREGOR!

Enrique: It took us long enough to catch him…

Kit: Thank god for tranquilizer guns! Anyways, I think everybody has been ready for this. So, let's MOVE OUT! YEAH!

(I don't own Beyblade, or my Wisdom Teeth! At least, not up until yesterday! LOL!)

* * *

Discern Your Actors!

_a.k.a._

Know Your Stars! 

Chapter 11

**Johnny MacGregor**

(Johnny has been chained to the chair)

"_Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" _The narrator says in a round.

"_Johnny MacGregor…Is a pop singing sensation…"_

"Wha? Sing? Dude, that's Enrique's job."

(from backstage) "I'm not 'Enrique Inglasias' you know!"

"Whatever you say, dude."

"_Johnny MacGregor…Is a pacifist…"_

"Haven't you been paying attention for the last 5 chapters? I don't exactly fall under a 'peace loving' category. What in the good Lord's name--"

(from backstage) "Amen." Kit and Jake yell.

"Um…right. Like I was saying, what in the good Lord's name--"

"Amen."

"Good Lord--"

"Amen."

"Grr. Lord--"

"Amen."

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF SHARP POINTY OBJECTS--" (glares backstage) "--ARE YOU ON?"

"_Pudding…"_

O.O "Whatever."

"_Johnny MacGregor…Is a Pyromaniac…"_

"Sorry, no. That would be Kit."

**(Backstage) **

"OOH! Pretty colors!"

"NO KIT! STAY AWAY FROM THE BLOW TORCH!" Mystel screams.

**(Onstage)**

"See, I'm the guy who steals chainsaws and locks poor Authoresses in broom closets with perverts, remember? Two chapters ago…"

"_Oh yeah, sorry."_

**-Let's Take a Quick Cut and Scope out Tala's Thoughts at the Moment-**

"_YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO APOLOGIZE DUMBASS!"_

**-Those Were Tala's Thoughts! Please Exit the Ride in an Orderly Fashion. Thank You-**

"_Johnny MacGregor…Is plotting his revenge as we speak…"_

"No I'm not."

"_You AREN'T?"_

**(Backstage)**

"He ISN'T?"

**(Onstage)**

"Nope." Johnny says meekly, but has an evil smirk on his face.

"_I see…Johnny MacGregor…He's a complete idiot…"_

"I've been told that many times before."

"_WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE BREAK DOWN AND CRY ANYMORE?" _

"I'm a MACGREGOR. We DON'T cry."

"_WHY CAN'T I CAUSE PAIN ANYMORE? WHY?"_

"Oookkkkkkaaaaaayyyyy, this getting too weird for me. I'm out of here."

"_And just HOW do you figure that?"_

"Simple. Watch." A light saber suddenly appears in his hands. He uses it to cut through the chains and jumps out of the chair, free. "FREEDOM!" Johnny yells, and runs off laughing maniacally while swinging his new toy.

"_May the Force be with him."_

**(Backstage)**

"OH NO NOT AGAIN!" Everyone screams, and scramble after Johnny.

**-Two Hours Later-**

Everyone is exhausted from the search…with no results.

"Great, just great. NOW what?" Zeo asks. Kit smiles and sighs.

"This looks like an excellent time to share some of my 'Words of Wisdom'." She says happily, and sits down.

"_Not the 'Words of Wisdom'…"_ Everybody thinks, sighing. Kit doesn't notice and just continues on with her speech.

"You know," she starts off with a dreamy curve to her voice, "as I lay in bed, gazing up at the stars, I can't help but wonder………What is my bed doing in the studio and WHERE THE FRACKIN HELL IS OUR ROOF?"

Everyone looks up. Sure enough, the ceiling is no longer in its appropriate place. Kit sits up in her bed, which is indeed, for some odd reason, in the studio.

"Okay, somebody had better explain, or else…" Kit began.

"**MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

"………JOHNNY!" They all yell at once.

_To Be Continued…

* * *

_

Kit: CLIFFIE! I didn't even know I could work one into this story. Miracles DO happen! Sorry for the crappy update, I'm beginning to feel sorta crappy myself. DAMN YOU SURGERY! Oh well. Oliver?

Oliver: Certainly. Read and review, flames are welcome with open arms, but I would HIGHLY not recommend it at the moment, seeing as the Authoress is rather cranky.

Kit: I AM NOT! I'm actually quite happy. I've got all the feeling back in my face!

Oliver:…Right then. (cough-cranky-cough)

Kit: (glares) Bye-bye!

**Are and Are**


	12. Julia Fernandez!

Kit: I'M BAAAACCCCCCCCK!

All: AHHH! NO!

Kit: I love you guys too. I know you people have been DYING for and update…

Kai: (cough-yeahright-cough)

Kit: SHUT IT! Anyways, in celebration of almost 150 reviews, I am updating the story! Thanks to KIT-KIT and shonafan, the only two female Beyblade fans, THAT ALSO ARE FANFICTION WRITERS, at my school besides myself, who got me up off my ass with some KILLER ideas for da fic! So here's to you and all the reviewers who have made this success possible!

(don't own the blade of Bey)

* * *

Discern Your Actors!

_a.k.a._

Know Your Stars!

Chapter 12

**Julia Fernandez**

(Julia is waiting patiently in the chair)

"_Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" _The narrator says in a round.

_Julia Fernandez…She's Norwegian…"_

"Um…hello? Does the name 'Fernandez' sound Norwegian to you?"

"_Julia Fernandez…She's Estonian…"_

"I'M SPANISH YOU MORON! Is Estonia even a country?"

"_Estonia is located near the countries of Russia, Finland, and Latvia. Its capital is Tallinn. Its total land area is 17,461.86 square miles, or 45,226.00 square kilometers. As of July 2001, the population was 1,423,316. The official languages are--"_

"Alright, alright! I get the point! How did you know that anyway?"

"_Internet."_

O.O "Whatever."

"_Julia Fernandez…Has no brain…"_

"I do too! I'm the brains of F-Dynasty!"

"_No, Romero is the brains of F-Dynasty. Your just there to look pretty and boss your brother around."_

"EXCUSE ME?"

"_Julia Fernandez…Isn't really related to Raul…"_

"WE'RE FRIKIN TWINS! You want to see the DNA tests?"

"_That proves nothing. You have different sets of DNA."_

"But they're both similar!"

"_Not really. You're a girl and he's a boy."_

"WE'RE CALLED 'FRATERNAL TWINS' FOR A REASON YOU KNOW!"

"_Julia Fernandez…Her father was in a Fraternity in college…"_

"THAT'S A DIFFERENT TYPE OF FRATERNITY ALL TOGETHER!"

"_Someone's PMSing…"_

"You're absolutely right. I have PMS. Therefore, I can legally kill you."

_"...thank you for sharing…"_

"Your welcome."

"_I was being sarcastic…"_

"And I was being serious, but that's not the point. Please, continue."

"_Julia Fernandez…Has secretly been dating Daichi…"_

"WELL IT'S NOT SO SECRET ANYMORE, IS IT?"

**(Backstage)**

"WHA?" Everyone screams.

"THANK YOU!" Tyson says, falling on his knees and praising the rightfully placed ceiling. Found in a field 127 miles away, it has since been recovered, but not before being mistaken for a highly advanced crop circle.

(How Johnny got it there, however, is still a mystery in itself, but our sources lead us to believe it had something to do with a team of Australian rugby players, inline skating, lime Jell-O, a mime troupe that is refusing to cooperate during interrogation, several Peruvian llama ranchers, a small community in Maine, and a bottle of Worchester sauce that seems to have alternative motives, but that has nothing to do with the rest of the chapter, so I'll leave it there for now.)

If you're wondering why he's getting down and praising the almighty one, you haven't been paying attention for a good 8 chapters! Shame upon you and your entire family! Shame I say! SHAME! SHHHAAAAMMMEEEE!

If you can see where this is going, however, you get a cookie! But, I'll explain it anyways:

Fortunately for Tyson, it was not his name that had been mentioned. Unfortunately for Tyson, Daichi was currently not at the studio, the infamous angry mob of chapters past needed to vent its anger, and Tyson had stupidly gotten their attention.

Put three and three together folks: the answer is always six.

And Raul's reaction?

"**_JUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_"**

**(Somewhere in Belgium)**

"Honey, did you hear something?"

"It's just another pissed off anime character! Go back to sleep, Bertha."

**(Back Onstage)**

"**_JUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_"**

"AW CRAP! Thanks a lot, now Raul's pissed!"

"_You're scared of Raul's wrath?"_

"HELL YEAH! He's a frackin' monster when he's mad!"

"_But I thought you were the mean twin."_

"I AM! Wait--No! That's not-- GRRRRR!"

"_Julia's scared of Raul! Hah-ha ha ha ha!"_

"Well you're, um, ugly! Yeah, you're ugly, that's it!"

"_How do you know? You can't see me."_

"Yes I can!"

The voice snickers, _"RIIIIGGGGGHHHHTTTT…Sure you can…"_

"ARGH! I SWEAR WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU--"

"_**JULIA MARGARITA FERNANDEZ!"**_

Julia pales, and then glares. "I'll get you for this!" she vows.

"_I'm sure you will…NOT…"_

"WHY YOU--" She begins, but stops when Raul walks onstage.

"**_JULIA!" _**he shouts.

"AW DAMN IT!" Julia screams before running offstage.

"**_JULIA GET BACK HERE NOW!" _**Raul yells, chasing after his sister.

"_Now you know…Julia Fernandez…"_

Julia runs back onstage, Raul hot on her heels. "YOU ARE SO DEAD FOR THIS MAN!" she shouts at the voice before running offstage again.

"_Run, Julia, run…"_

* * *

Kit: WHOO! Your update has been established! Fall break is in one week, so I'll try to get some more updates on my time off!

Oliver: Read and review, flames gladly appreciated, but we have not gotten a single one yet!

Kit: I guess that means they like it! Merci Oliver! Later yall!

Oliver: Goodbye!

**Are and Are**


	13. Zomb!

Kit: It's another update!

Kai: You just updated yesterday, and you're starting another one already? Are you feeling alright?

Kit: Oh, ha-ha. But yes, I am starting another update, thanks to the great reviews I got! By the way, K-K, that doesn't count as a flame. Also, one of my reviewers asked why I hate Tyson so much. Well, it's not that I HATE him, it's, in the words of Ray Kon himself: "But there's just so much about you to criticize!"

Kai: Oh yeah, use a first season quote…

Kit: SHUT UP OR I'LL BE DOING THE KAI SEQUEL THAT WAS REQUESTED!

Kai: Hn…

Kit: Anyways, seeing that Halloween is just 30 days away (and the fact that this is Chapter 13), I'm going to do some of the Dark Bladers in the spirit of the season!

WARNING: the next few chapters are going to be unbelievably OOC that they could quite be illegal in all but 5 states. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Have a nice day!

(here's the Bey, here's the blade, and here's the lawyer that says it's not mine)

* * *

Discern Your Actors!

_a.k.a._

Know Your Stars! 

Chapter 13

**Zomb**

(Zomb is…well, sitting in the chair like a mix-and-match monster, I guess)

"_Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" _The narrator says in a round.

"_Zomb…He's hiding something…"_

"No, no I'm not!" Zomb responds, (clearly hiding something).

"_Zomb…What are you hiding…?"_ The voice asks.

"Nothing…NOTHING I SAY!"

"_Zomb…Tell us what you're hiding…"_

"All right I confess. I forgot to put on underwear."

"…_that's disgusting…"_

"Thank you, you're too kind."

"…_has anyone ever told you you're an idiot?"_

"Yes, on multiple occasions. Why?"

"_Oh, never mind…"_

Zomb shrugs, "Okay, you're the freaky voice."

"_Zomb…His creator his apparently didn't give him a brain…"_

"He didn't? Hey! Does this mean I can try out for the Scarecrow in 'The Wizard of Oz'? I've always wanted to be a star on Broadway! I've even got an entire routine prepared! 'THE HIIIILLLLLLLSSSSS ARE ALLLLLLIIIIVVVVEEE, WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUUSSSIIICCC!'"

"…_that's not even the right play…"_

"It's not? Okay, try this: 'OKKKKKKKKLLLAAAHHHOOOOMMAAA, WHERE THE WIND COMES SWEEPING DOWN THE PLAIN!"

"_Uh…no…"_

"'THE PHHHHAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNTTTTOOOOMMM OF THE OPERA ISTHHHHHEEERRREEE, INSSSSIIIIIDDDEEE MY MIND!'"

"_You had better hope the authoress's friend trisana doesn't find out you're singing that song so badly…"_

"'PICKIN UP SPEED, RUNNIN OUT OF TIME; GOIN HEAD TO HEAD, IT'S THE WAY OF LIFE; YOU GOTTA FALL DOWN, EAT GROUND, AND GET BACK UP AGAIN! LET'S BEYBLADE!'"

"…_that was the WORST rendition of the Beyblade theme song I have ever heard…"_

"You're right! I forgot the second verse! 'SPINNIN IT OUT--'"

"_STOP IT!"_

"Was it something I sang?"

"_How does Oliver put up with this?"_

"Oh yes, Oliver, it's he such a pleasant boy? And his beyblade is such a lovely shade of pink!"

**(Backstage)**

"…Okay, I'm going to ask this once, and ONLY once. Who is that, and what have they done with Zomb?" Oliver asks, twitching incessantly.

"Hate to break it to yah kid, but that IS Zomb." Sanguinex tell him, "Now you see what we have had to put up with for the last few centuries."

"My deepest sympathies…" Oliver tells him sincerely.

**(Onstage)**

Meanwhile, Zomb is finishing up a highly detailed explanation about…something. "And that is why I will never beyblade before I have finished watching Martha Stewart."

"…_what did that have to do with my statement about your favorite color?"_

"Favorite color? I thought you asked me about my favorite felon."

"_Oi…I give up on this one…"_

"Okay then! I'm off to skip through the forest and pick daises!" And with that, Zomb merrily skips offstage, loudly humming the Smurfs theme song.

"_Now you know…Zomb…"_

Zomb skips back onstage wearing bracelets, necklaces, and a crown made out of flowers, all wilsttossingpetals into the air. "Look at me! I'M A PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!"

* * *

Kit: Alrighty then…No idea where that middle bit came from, BUT I LIKED IT!

Oliver: This was and extremely strange chapter. Review at your own risk, and we're still wondering why there have been absolutely no flames…

Kit: Yeah, that is weird. Great news, but still, weird…

Oliver: Au revoir!

Kit: Latez!

**Are and Are**


	14. Raul Fernandez!

Kit: What up yall? This is the Raul chappie, which was GOING to be right after the Julia chappie, but I was being retarded and posted the Zomb one first. But here's a question: WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SO OBSESSED WITH THE BACKSTAGE SCENES? Whoo, okay, that's done. Now, ONTO THE TORTURE! Oh, and firehorse200, if you spelled that wrong, so did the Webster's ™ Concise Spelling and Grammar dictionary.

(If I owned it, I would not be on FANFICTION)

* * *

Discern Your Actors!

_a.k.a._

Know Your Stars! 

Chapter 14

**Raul Fernandez**

(Raul is waiting in the chair)

"_Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" _The narrator says in a round.

"_Raul Fernandez…He's a giant green potato…"_

"Uh…right…sure. Let's go with that."

"_Raul Fernandez…He isn't REALLY in the circus. He just likes wearing the tights…"_

Raul glances shiftily around the room, "Maaaaayyyyyyybbbbbeee…."

"_Raul Fernandez…He has a stuffed teddy bear named Binky…"_

"No I don't! His name is Raphael!"

"_So you DO have a stuffed teddy bear…"_

"Maaaaayyyyyyybbbbbeee…."

"_Raul Fernandez…He has six toes…"_

"Oh REALLY? Please, do tell." Raul says, genuine shock on his face.

"_I was lying you idiot…"_

"HA! You admit it!"

'_Grr…'_ The voice thinks, _'this means WAR…'_

And war he received.

"_Raul Fernandez…He and Julia are plotting to blow up the Louvre tonight…"_

"YEEEEESSSSSSNOOOOOOOOOOOOO……" Raul screams evilly before the clarity of the statement hits him like a Sumo wrestler in Cleveland (A/N: O.O I have NO clue…)

"_Well, which is it?"_

"…maaaaayyyyyyybbbbbeee…."

**(Backstage)**

"They're plotting WHAT?" an alarmed Oliver screeches (like a little anime schoolgirl), shortly followed by hyperventilating…

"Oliver…calm down." Enrique tells the greenette cautiously.

"CALM DOWN? THOSE FRACKIN FERNANDEZ' ARE GOING TO BLOW UP MY BEAUTIFUL LOUVRE AND YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN? WHY YOU--" Oliver yells before slipping into a string of incoherent French curses, all directed towards said Italian.

**-Five Minutes Later-**

Oliver, finished with his little moment, is panting on the floor, while Enrique is in a terrified awe.

"I do not want to know what you said…" He tells him. Robert decides to take a shot at calming the French boy.

"Come now Oliver, Julia wouldn't blow up the Louvre, right Julia?" Turning to the Spanish girl at just the wrong time.

"THANKS A LOT! RAUL, YOU IDIOT THEY KNOW! YOU'VE RUINED THE ENTIRE PLAN! NOW WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH THAT BOM--Oh……hello…how much of that did you hear?"

Robert, Enrique, and the rest of the nearby crew looks horrified, while Oliver begins to hyperventilate again.

**-Let's Take Another Quick Cut and Scope out Tala's Thoughts-**

_Notes to Self:_

_1. Julia is an evil genius. I must have that genius to complete my plans of world domination using my army of mutant hamsters._

_2. Kill Daichi in his sleep using Tyson's sweaty gym socks._

_3. Buy sticky notes._

**-Tala's Thoughts Everybody! And What Psychotic--I mean Wonderful--Thoughts They Were-**

**(Onstage)**

Oliver runs onstage, and stops before Raul.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" the greenette screeches at the Spaniard, again like a little anime schoolgirl. "YOU WERE PLANNING TO BLOW UP MY DEAR LOUVRE THE ENTIRE TIME, WEREN'T YOU?"

"Umm, well, uh…you see--"

"I BET YOU'RE IN LEAGUE WITH JOHNNY TOO!"

Raul yells, "CRAP! THEY'RE ON TO US! QUICK, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!"

Suddenly, a suped-up Zamboni comes charging onstage, Julia in tow and Johnny behind the wheel.

"GET ON!" Julia shouts at him, and Raul jumps up next to his sister.

"HIT IT JOHNNY!" Raul screams.

"YOU GOT IT!" The red-haired Scot cries, and hits the gas. The Zamboni takes off onto backstage.

Screams are heard. Tears are shed. Lives are lost.

…Or, they broke through a wall and no one was injured. Whichever you're more comfortable with.

"_Now you actually know…Raul Fernandez…"_

* * *

Kit: Sorry for the late update! My week didn't quite go as planned. The same goes for this chapter. Number 14! The same number of years I am! At least for a few more months. Then I can DRIVE!

Kai: AHH!

Kit: I know, scary thought.

(Zamboni comes racing in)

Johnny: (smiles normally to camera) Read and review, we've basically given up on flames (revs up Zamboni and drives off)

Kit: Uh…RIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTT….

**Are and Are**


	15. Kai Hiwatari! Part II

Kit: Because Emmi has been out of school, she has no new character ideas since she has not seen KIT-KIT or shonafan to help her come up with them. So you know what THAT means…

Kai: Why are you looking at me that way demon-girl…?

Kit: It means it's time for the much-anticipated KAI SEQUEL! Bob, Joe, if you would be so kind?

Kai: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? (tranquilizer dart comes out of nowhere) (hits Kai) (Kai passes out)

Kit: TAKE HIM TO THE CHAIR! (audience gasps) WRONG CHAIR YOU IDIOTS! (audience sighs)

Bob and Joe: (drag Kai off)

Kit: Okay, this is going to be a completely OOC chapter. Little heads up for you. Finally, to my reviewers: You are all insane. Completely and utterly insane. All the power to you.

(THE LAWYERS ARE COMING! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!)

* * *

Discern Your Actors!

_a.k.a._

Know Your Stars! 

Chapter 15

**Kai Hiwatari: Part II**

(Kai is bound to the chair, still looking like, well, Kai)

"_Know your stars; know your stars; Know Your Stars…" _The narrator says in a round.

"_Kai Hiwatari…He has an attitude problem…"_

"Yes, I know I have an attitude problem but I'm trying to change that."

"_Erm…what?"_

"'I love you. You love me. We're a happy family with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. Won't you say you love me, too?'"

"_Um…right then…"_

"Ba ba ba ba ba. Ba ba ba ba ba. Pepsi-cola! YEAH!"

"_Kai Hiwatari…He's drunk…"_

"Who's drunk? Oh yeah, that's me! I'm Russian! Gimme some Vodka!"

"_Okay, could I get some help out here? He's actually drunk!"_

Suddenly, a girl with 'AUTHORESS' sewn on the back of her jacket sprints onstage. "Never fear! The Authoress is here!"

"_Uh, you aren't the Authoress…"_

"Of course I am! Can't you see the monogram?"

Tyson suddenly sticks his head onstage. "Hey Kit, why are you wearing Emmi's jacket?"

"SHADUP!" Kit yells. Two seconds later, a haphazard orange comes flying out of nowhere, hitting him in the face. Tyson passes out immediately.

Kai blinks "Wow, she's good."

Kit looks up at the ceiling, "Now, what seems to be the problem?"

"_Hm, let's see-- HE'S DRUNK!"_

"Huh?" Kit asks boredly, looking at Kai, who is humming 'Just Keep Swimming' "Oh, that. He isn't drunk."

"_He's not?"_

She yawns, "Naw, he's still just a little loopy from the tranquilizer dart. It'll wear off in a bit. In the meantime, just carry on like normal."

"_Alright."_ The voice says. Kit walks off stage.

"_Kai Hiwatari…His beyblade sucks…"_

"Yeah, it does, doesn't it? And isn't Dranzer stupid? Phoenixes are way too girly!"

'_Hm…'_ The voice thinks, _'I can work with this…'_

"_Kai Hiwatari…Is naked…"_

"I am? Yeah, baby! I'm dead sexy! Hey everybody! I'm naked! WOO HOO!"

**(Backstage)**

"Uh, Kit? Your POSITIVE he's not drunk?" Max asks. Kit nods.

"Yep." She says, looking at her watch, "In fact, he should be coming out of it in 5, 4, 3, 2..."

**(Meanwhile, Onstage…)**

Kai has abandoned just ranting in favor of a more…um…musical approach to the situation…

"'I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my pants, too sexy…for…WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

**(Backstage)**

"Good one, Kai." Emily says, rolling her eyes.

"Oh yes. Very nice." Kit concurs, sarcasm dripping in her voice.

**(Onstage)**

"Oh no! Hell will freeze over before I do this again!

"_Well then, I guess Russia just got even bigger."_

"Excuse me?"

"_Now you know…Kai Hiwatari…hehe…"_

"SAY WHAT?"

* * *

Kit: I don't know about you, but I'm not gonna be the one to tell him.

Ray: Don't look at me! I kinda enjoy living, thank you very much.

Kit: It's unanimous! We don't tell him! Sorry it's so short, but we are at 199 reviews! GO US!

Ray: You know the drill, flames always welcome.

Kit: Thanks Ray! Latez!

**Are and Are**


End file.
